You know you're from ALASKA, part 3

You can relate to 5 or more of this things...

41. During the winter you rarely use your freezer.
42. You think $4 for a loaf of bread is cheap.
43. You don't sleep in the summer because it’s too short to miss a minute of it
44. Half your friends own a sled (snow machine) and you think people that call them snow mobiles are idiots
45. You have been chased or know someone who has been chased by a moose at least once.
46. You’ve seen the northern lights, and you know why they are such a "big deal."
47. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil or black blankets.
48. You only watch the news when they announce the amount of the year’s dividend.
49. You have to start your car at least an hour before you leave so most of the ice and snow will melt off by the time you leave.
50. You wear flips flops all year without getting sick.
51. You've never seen cotton or tobacco growing, but your neighbor has a 30 acre pot field.
52. You literally can’t leave the house without seeing some one you know.
53. You know the term "studs" isn’t referring to hot guys.
54. You have to ski in gym class.
55. You know who "Binki" was, made fun of that stupid Australian tourist, and was so sad when he died.
56. You expect to see a moose crossing Tudor every time you drive down.
57. You give up and tell people in the lower 48 that you DO live in an igloo and you DO have a pet polar bear named Mishka when they refuse to believe otherwise.
58. You call someone without a crack in there windshield a tourist.
59. You've seen a 2-month old moose get hit by a full-size van at 65 MPH, then get up and run off.
60. Your parents taking you trick-or-treating involves riding door-to-door in the car and a costume that fits over a snowsuit!

I have to say, I totally follow #50 religiously. I am a "Flip-Flop Girl," tried and true. When it's winter here in Oregon (which feels about like a cool summer day in Alaska) and people act so appalled that I'm in flip flops, I ALWAYS say. . . "Oh, I'm from Alaska, I don't get cold!"

You know you're from ALASKA, part 2

You can relate to 5 or more of this things...

21. You were appalled by the "Carrs-Safeway" merge a few years ago.
22. You have to have a raven cage around your trash to keep them out.
23. You go to school, work, or both in the dark and come out in the dark
24. 30 degrees is shorts weather
25. -10 is a bit nippy
26. Buses leaving school are delayed because a bear is in the parking lot
27. You tell people you live in an igloo for kicks.
28. You don’t swim in natural bodies of water for fear of swimmers itch or beaver fever...or leeches.
29. Having a moose in your front yard is a legitimate excuse for being late to school.
30. There is nothing like Matanuska Maid...who cares about Meadowgold, Dairyland and Viva!! 31. You only go to the fair for turkey legs and a husky burger.
32. You refer to the continental US as the "lower 48."
33. You get an attitude when you have to pay tax in the lower 48.
34. There is 4 feet of snow the night before school and you STILL have to go.
35. If you don’t like the weather wait for 5 minutes and then go back out outside.
36. You sleep through an earthquake like nothing ever happened; the only way you know is because the clock fell off the wall.
37. Salmon isn’t a delicacy, it's a staple.
38. Halibut is beer battered rather than cooked some fancy way.
39. 70 degrees is equivalent to 90 degrees in the lower 48.
40. You know who "Sleeping Lady" is.

Stay tuned tomorrow for the last 'segment.'

You know you're from ALASKA if:

You can relate to 5 or more of this things...

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going to Anchorage for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
5. You use a down comforter in the summer.
6. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
7. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
8. You think of the major food groups as: deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.
9. You carry jumper cables in your car, and your sister knows how to use them.
10. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.
11. You know what Bunny Boots are.
12. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
13. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
14. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
15. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.
16. You didn't know what the word "county" meant, and we were never taught about "area codes"... 907 is all you had to know.
17. You think bald eagles aren't that great.
18. You know to go to Best Buy a month after a CD released because that’s when it will FINALLY arrive in Alaska.
19. You wish seagulls came with a mute button.
20. You can go to McDonalds and order off the $1.50 menu which they feel is equivalent to the $0.99 menu.

OK folks, this is just the first 20, come back tomorrow for the next 20!!

Alaska: Part Nine "Big Powder"

This is my final installment of my Alaska Mock-umentary. I will miss talking about you, Alaska. It's been fun (for me) and a lot of reading (for you). Thanks for listening.

This dangerous machine is an Alaskan Snowblower, commercial grade. When I took this photo in July last summer, it took me back to a distinct sound from my childhood . . . The high pitched 'Beep, Beep, Beep' alerted the town that the snowcrews were backing up . . .usually around 3am (I guess they couldn't do 3 point turns, but they COULD drive backwards, just as quickly as forwards!) They started AT LEAST that early to get the roads cleaned up from the nightly snowfall. Clean enough so people could drive to work/school (don't forget your chains!). Sometimes, if the was snow was constant and heavy, they'd work 24 hours a day!

When my kids have a "No School, Snow Day" because 2" fell overnight and the whole town shuts down, I roll my eyes and think, "Toughen up, you sissies!" But then I remember how Damian slips around in the snow and practically kills himself, and I send him to work, in 4-Wheel-Drive. I stay home, trying to pull together our hat/mitten assortment, before it all melts off by lunchtime.

Where I live NOW, we get an average of 6 inches a year.

Valdez, Alaska, where I grew up, gets the most snow in the US, with the average being 27 feet (325"). My mom took this photo looking OUT of my house. I'm holding my brother Daniel, and it's my sophomore year of HS ('89-'90). That was the record breaking snowfall year, with 47 feet (564").

The plows would take care of the road, but we kids had to help dad with the walk . . . so we could get TO the road. My house was a split level, ground level is about 6 feet below the front door. We didn't shovel all the way down to the ground, you'd just have to throw it higher! We just shoveled and packed the snow level with the front door. Dad didn't need a snow blower, like most families had, he had 7 kids! It wasn't just the butterfly swimming that gave me humongous shoulders/pecs! I got a part-time job at 14, so I wouldn't have to shovel so much dang snow!

The snow would pack up and slide off our tin roofs and land right in the path. My poor brother Michael was trapped once, under the snow pack, until my mom heard the snow screaming and dug him out! Here is my sister, Briana, and Paul digging out our cars. We didn't drive that green-scary mobile much in the winter. It was for our summer adventures. But if we didn't keep the snow off it, it would collapse, from the weight! The other car was attached to a snowplow that dad would do our driveway and his rental property parking lots with.

This is our beloved blue Subaru (the license plate said, "Goold"). My dad bought it in Salt Lake and drove it home to AK, hitting a moose on the way! He survived, and that car took many more beatings. Please listen to the '92 Subaru song on my playlist . . . to commemorate this car!

I drove it my Senior Year at BYU. It had finally been wrecked enough to pass on. It didn't have 3rd gear and some of the floor had rusted out. The mat covered the hole that you could see through, to the street! It was in this car that I said to Damian, in front of all his friends, "When are you going to stop asking me to marry you? I love you like a BROTHER!" They never let me live that down. But I'm digressing . . .

Oh, one more story about the Goold-Mobile . . . When the green-scary mobile died, we drove the Subaru to Utah for the summer. That's a 3000 mile drive that my dad would do in 3 days. Caffeine was his friend. There were 9 of us, and the car had seat belts for 5. We had a car-topper for all our luggage, and at night, Dad would lay the seat down and put a 2 ft. board between the windows sills. Instant Bunk Bed! I am really amazed at my parents industriousness and survival skills, how did they do it with no portable DVD players?

This lovely lawn ornament measures the amount of snow pack that accumulates in your Valdez yard.

Even though Valdez would get around 30' of snow, it would compress to about 7-10' on the ground, perfect for tunneling. We had VERY cool forts in the winter, once Dad built us an igloo! The snow starts in October, and doesn't finally melt until June. Especially the piles, like the one next to the Subaru, where the Snowplows would stack the snow they'd pull off the streets.

One last thing to mention, THE SKIING! We all learned to ski on a little rope-pull bunny hill, and then "graduated" to Thompson Pass. This is the home of the World Extreme Skiing Competition (do they still have that?) and the average snowfall there is over 500" (the same as Aspen Ski Resort). There were no lift tickets and no chair lift. We just had mom. She'd drive us to the top, and pick us up at the bottom, for another run. She'd bring a book and sandwich fixins' to work on between drives. When I think of that now, she probably had all the little kids in the car with her, keeping them entertained, until they too, were old enough to ski black diamond, Alaska Style!

Those parents of mine were true Alaskans, tough, wild and a bit crazy . . . but all fun.

Alaska: Part Eight "Bitter Cold Adventures"

(Mrs. Mauldin, when I write, I often think of you. I think, "I wish I would have paid more attention in English class, rather than flirting with Lance Bowen so much!" Now, as I write about your granddaughters, the possibility that you might read this haunts me. I'm sorry, I still use WAY too many commas!)


This is the beautiful Mt. McKinley . . . the tallest mountain in North America. It's Native Name is Denali or "The Great One." That's also my sister's middle name . . . Briana Denali. What a cool thing to be named for! I have to say, the name Denali makes me think cold thoughts.

I like my middle name, too . . . Sarah Chanel. Chanel is an overpriced, stenchy brand of perfume. I've smelled them all, while in France, and I'm not impressed with the product, but the name has served me well, I like it. It's classy and cool.


I'm just not a huge perfume fan, but I digress.

My Best Friend, Emily took all these photos. She lives this Alaska life, having bitter cold ADVENTURES with her cute family. I stole these shots off her memory card.

These pictures are so beautiful, in an icy way. I wish I could describe how COLD it can be in Alaska. There is no air, quite like cold Alaskan air. It's very DRY and BITTER. It smells SO nice, even though it can hurt the inside of your nose a little bit and freeze your nose hairs!

Here is Emily and her little 3-year-old, gearing up for a snow machine trip. Look at all the trees in this chilly part of the state . . . They don't even grow normally, they're all dwarf-like and covered in snow, kind of Dr. Seuss looking!

My little Alaskan sweetheart . . . can you just feel how cold she would be without all that warm subzero-gear? The rosy glow in her cheeks is so cute. When she exhales, it looks like she's smoking, the steam from her breathe is very warm compared to the outside air!


Emily's two daughters,are all bundled in their snow gear, making tracks while they wait for their snowmachine rides.

Move backwards girls, you're in the shade and it's below zero there! Into the light, girls!! Save yourselves!

Emily and her little one, having a great time, racing around on the frozen wasteland we call Alaska! I wish I could just spend one day a year in that cold. I really do love the way the air smells there, but one day would be plenty for me!

Emily and her family often go to watch the Iditarod Sled Dog Races . . . just another Bitter Cold Adventure!

"Hey Momma! There's the RACE DOGS!!"

You know, sometimes my spell check pics up my last name and suggests Iditarod, and sometimes it's mean to me and just suggests "Idiot."

True Alaskans at their best!

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!!"

How many of you have ever seen A Christmas Story??

I asked Emily's daughter to tell me about ice fishing. This was her explanation, "The school bus takes you to the farm at about 7am, but only in the winter. There is no room for parents on the bus, so Moms and babies have to go in the car. So they can take pictures. When you get there, you try and catch little fish. I caught one, but then I didn't roll it up the right way, so the fish got away. It's OK if you catch one or not because I still got a fishing necklace. It was purple, my favorite color!"

Alaska: Part Seven "Black Gold"

My last Alaska post showed the picturesque beauty of my hometown, Valdez. Across the bay from Valdez is the terminus of the Trans-Alaskan Oil Pipeline. This map shows the Pipeline route and the location of the 12 Pump Stations. My dad worked at the Valdez Terminal and various Pump Stations for 20 years. I was a tour guide on the Terminal during my college summers.

This map is totally unrelated, but equally important. It shows how big Alaska is compared to the rest of the "Lower 48." Yes, it's over twice the size of Texas. But this post isn't going to rip on Texas. In fact, Texas and Alaska have about the same amount of oil reserves, or "BLACK GOLD." So, back to the tour from my college days (with updated info):

Alaskan oil is drilled in Prudhoe Bay (PS1), at the top of the state, and passes through 800 miles of pipe to the northern most ice free port in the US, Valdez (PS12). More than 15 billion barrels have moved through the pipe in the 31 years it's been in operation.

Tankers unload their dirty ballast water at the Valdez Terminal. They have to stay low in the water, as if they were full of oil on the trip TO Valdez, or they'd tip over, so they are full of sea water mixed with residual oil from previous trips.

The Valdez plant treats the ballast water and puts it back into the sea (recovering 800 barrels of oil a day). There have been almost 20,000 tankers loaded with oil, each one holding 9 million barrels of oil. The tankers travel as far as Lousiana and Oklahoma for refinement (through the Panama Canal).

The Oil Pipeline supplies nearly 17% of the US domestic crude oil production (It was 20% when I was a tour guide, in '92!). Revenues from oil production/transportation provide approximately 80% of the funding for the Alaska State Gov't.

In addition, a specially dedicated account funded by oil revenues (The Permanent Fund) has a balance of over $22 billion. If you know anything about Alaskans, we like to brag that we are PAID to live there. It's true. The interest from the Permanent Fund is divided between all the Alaska residents, who have lived there one year and don't have a felony. When I was in 4th grade the check was the smallest ever, at around $300. When I was a sophomore, it was the largest, at close to $2,000. My parents always made me save my PF Dividend. Those checks and my lifeguard paychecks funded my college education.

Thank you Alaskan Oil for directly improving my life. This was taken the year you only gave me $300, but I still love you! You can see the Oil Terminal behind us . . . just a lovely photo op of Daddy's workplace for the relatives in the "Lower 48."

I've grown up as a strong PRO-DRILLING, fossil fuels kinda-girl. You can imagine the surprise on my friend face, at church aerobics, when she mentioned she thought it was a mistake to drill for more oil, and we should all drive Electric Cars. Boy, did she get the lecture of her life from a very 'heated' Sarah. Some people say, "Don't mess with Texas" but we Alaskan's are fighters, too!

Alaska: Part Six "Little Switzerland"

My hometown has a nick-name: The Little Switzerland of Alaska.

Valdez (named after a Spaniard, but pronounced with a hard "e") is nestled in a fjord. Fjords are also found in Switzerland, Italy, Scandinavia, Canada, New Zealand, Croatia, Maine and Washington (basically, all the most breath taking places!) Fjords are long, narrow inlets with steep sides, created in a valley carved by glacial activity. It rains so much in Valdez, that everything is always very green and you can see snow on the mountaintops, year round.

Valdez is the most beautiful place in the world and I get misty eyed and heart palpitations, just being in love with that spot! Isn't it so adorable, hugging the mountain as if it would fall into the sea? Wait, it did that once, actually.

On Good Friday 1964, a 9.2 earthquake caused the land Valdez was built on to liquify, dropping into the sea. The displaced water formed a 30 ft. tsunami, killing 32 people on the dock, as they were waiting for the supply ship. Sixty remaining houses were moved to the present site of Valdez, a site which was not built on glacial silt.

OK, so if you look out where the sound meets the ocean, you can almost see where the Oil Tanker Exxon Valdez ran aground in 1989, spilling 10.8 million gallons of crude oil. The oil coated the an area of the Alaskan shore the size of California, killing all the wildlife . . . just imagine sticky, black oil floating on top of the sea water with dead animals washing up for miles. Lovely.

OK, I've let the two infamous things about my sweet little town out of the bag. Let's move on.

I've always loved the Anne of Green Gables books and wished I could see Prince Edward Island in Canada . . . but today I realized that Anne's got nothin' on us, baby!

So here's my EXCITING NEWS!! I'm headed to Alaska 4 days after I get back from the Trek! I only have to pay $100 because we had enough frequent flyer miles. I'll stay with my best friend, Emily and her family. I'm thrilled to spend more time with her adorable daughters. This is the response I hope I get when they see me, so start coaching them now, Em!

"Yay! Aunt Sarah is here! Take us for a ride in Daddy's 'Stang! He parked it right behind us, just for you!"

(Maybe you can work this out with Brett, Em!!)

Emily and I will sell "Tundra Cotton Candy" at her local fair one day, with our two midgit assistants. Then, we're ditching her family and taking a "Girl's Trip" on the ferry, to Valdez, for about 2 days. I haven't been to my hometown since 1994 and I am so excited! I know Emily will miss her little cuties, but I'll try and keep her busy enough that she doesn't cry herself to sleep at night.
Yes, we'll be leaving, you too, little Miss Serious! Don't give me that look!

I leave Wed. July 16th, arriving in Anchorage at 7:31pm. I go home Tues. the 22nd at 1:45pm . . . the perfect amount of time to rejuvenate myself. I only wish we had enough miles for Damian to go, too. After this trip, I'm going to start saving my miles for 2012, my 20 year class reunion. I really want to take my whole family to that.

Alaska: Part Five "Kid in AK"

These photos of my childhood will help you see Alaska more clearly. Maybe it's more like the rest of the "lower 48" than I think. Or maybe this will prove, once again, that I am a product of the state of mind those from Alaska have.

My baby sister was lost once (about 2 blocks from home) and a policeman asked her where she lived. She said, "On the dirt pile." Luckily, we lived in such a small town, he knew who she was and brought her home. I don't know if my mom complained about the silty Alaskan ground and our yard as a "dirt pile", or if Briana just loved playing on the actual gravel pile in our backyard??

My mom told me she never did my hair, but look mom, I have cute pigtails! I used to dream about jumping off stuff and flying. Does anyone else remember a dream like that, as a kid? Maybe this rock pile inspired me?

My mom was REALLY into each of her kids learning the piano. I had pretty good teachers, except that one weird man, that taught lessons in his stinky, basement apartment. CREEPY!! I still have nightmares about that guy, I don't think he actually could play, I certainly never heard him. All he did was eat chips, while I played.

Is my brother John getting ready to sing in this photo, or just listen to me perform? Since I'm such a show-off, I'll assume the second. We'll never know, but we do know that my mother recently confessed to loving Sailor Uniforms. That explains a lot about how she dressed me.


We spent a huge amount of time camping, in Alaska. And pretending scrawny trees were horses, apparently. Besides Sailor Costumes, I think my mom liked Scottish Plaid, or else, she just hated me. Not sure on that one. Hey, at least my socks matched!


Another thing Mom was "into" was Halloween. She sewed each of these costumes (except mine was purchased on a trip to Korea with my dad). She's a bumblebee, Dad is 'Wee Willie Winkie' (I never saw him sleep in that nightgown she made him, I wonder if he had a Sailor Suit, instead?) My baby brother, Michael is dressed as a girl. After spending last weekend with him, I now understand why he talks so much. He was gender confused as a baby! Paul (bunny) and Briana (mouse) wore those costumes after John and I were done with them, passing them on, all the way to my kids . . . f you want to borrow them, they're in my attic! John's magician mustache is so adorable. No wonder he STILL likes facial hair so much!


We played T-Ball every summer, on Dad's team. I'm the oldest kid on the team, as #9. I think I played so poorly, Dad told everyone I had special needs and they let me keep playing on his team. That summer I hit my first home run. It was at my 9th birthday party and all my friends came to the game. Highlight of my life. Briana is #6, John is #27 and our lifelong best friends, the Wilson kids, are on the left of them.

There are two seasons in Alaska, Winter and Road construction. We did T-Ball during Road Construction and the other 9 months we swam indoors. The deep snow didn't allow for much else, and my last post is about snow, so stay tuned!


During those snowy months we took vacations! In 1984, we flew to Hawaii for $100 dollars each! My cute grandpa, who recently passed away, met us there and showed us where he was stationed in WWII. We went to the chapel he attended and my hero, Miss America was there. She had a speaking assigment in the congregation because she was a Mormon (Sharlene Wells). She was my IDOL! Grandpa took hundreds of photos, but forgot to load the camera with film. Lowlight of my life. Let's move on.



I love this photo of our first roller coaster, ridden while in Hawaii! The boys are having fun and the girls are about to die. Too funny.

OK, so lastly, my town was BIG into theatre. I was in about a ba-jillion plays, but these two were my favorites. In the play, Trudy and the Minstrel, I was a gypsy (My brother, John, was my no-good-lazy husband) I had to learn the mandolin and sing a few little ditty's. I think Briana may have been Trudy and I was the Minstrel, but that would have been the two lead rolls, so maybe not? Maybe she and Paul were just homeless clowns??

In The Wizard of Oz, Briana was "A Wolf", Michael was "A Bunny", John "The Scarecrow", I was "The Wicked Witch", complete with a cackling, melting scene, and Paul was "A Munchkin". I really loved those boots and have wanted a pair of lace ups, ever since. OK, enough Alaskan Fun for now. No wonder I love "Elphaba" from the Broadway play, Wicked. I can relate.

Alaska: Part Four "Fireweed"

My favorite plant in the world is Fireweed. It's a beautiful weed that grows profusely in Alaska. I am mildly obsessed it! This "grove" stood as tall as me. (I cut myself out of the picture, though. I didn't want to overshadow the flowers, with my beauty.)

When I was in Alaska last summer, for my 3 day job as a cotton candy seller at the Moose Dropping Festival of Talkeetna, I took more pictures of fireweed than anything else.

This shot does have beautiful Mt. McKinley in the background.

And this composition is entitled, "Fireweed with a Bee." Trust me, he's there!

Here is my friend Emily's adorable daughter, with Fireweed.

Fireweed is the first plant that pops up after wildfires. It can be pink, or purple, depending on where it's grown. Notice the seed pods that grow at the base of the plant in August. Some kids "smoked" candy cigarettes, we Alaskan kids "smoked" fireweed pods. They were free, pretty and split open to look like this:

This stuff is great to throw in people's hair. Ahh, fun times with Fireweed.

Note: I am not particularly proud that I had a fireweed "smoking" habit at 6 years old. I never lit, I just pretend puffed, and looked like a movie star, with a pink "cigarette." I'm really grateful that smoking isn't cool/socially acceptable anymore and that my kids won't be tempted to pretend, I hope!