Man Vs. Mary

My Neighbor and Sister-in-Law posted this on her blog. It concerned my crazy husband, so I thought I'd steal it and share:

A couple of days ago Mary emailed a few family members while Nicole and Noah napped. It was so fun for her to get responses instantaneously, and since then has been asking me to check the computer for replies. I told her the letters to type and she had a great time telling jokes and sending her love to her missionary grandparents, Uncle Jared, and cousins Marcus and Annie.

One conversation was particularly funny. Mary is constantly teased by her wonderful next door neighbor and uncle, Damian, and she eats up every second of it. Since Christmas he comes to our house and pretends to look for her "special" toys to steal. Usually she laughs and runs around trying to stop him from swiping them. This was their exact conversation.

Mary: hi damian. this is mary. i hid all of my toys. you will never find them. you are silly.

Damian: I snuck into your house early this morning and found two of them. I took them with me to work. They are sitting on my desk.

As to the rest of your toys...I will find them because I am going to buy a dog that can smell all toys no matter where they are hidden. His name is Rex. I will bring him home to hunt for your toys.

I love you. But I love to steal toys more. Just call me the toys monster.

Mary: damian, there are no dogs in the grocery store...none of them. you are a funny toys monster stealing my toys.

Damian: I got the dog from the dog catcher. Rex is a special dog that was in jail for stealing other toys and burying them. He is also an expert at hiding bones and doggie treats. That is why the dog catcher took him off the street. I liked him when I saw him so I went and bought him. I did not know that you were going to hide your toys from me so now I have the perfect excuse to bring him home and have him try to find your toys. He has magic eyes that let him see through boxes and stuff. He does not bite. He does stink though so I do not think that your mom will like him too much. Maybe I can sneak in the house when she is asleep.

Mary: she will never sleep. damian, you are a silly man taking my toys. dogs are not allowed to come in our house. I am going to write a dog on our door and x it (see picture above).

Damian: He will come through the fireplace or through the hole above the oven. He is very sneaky. Your mom has to sleep sometime or she will get sick. I will find a way to get your toys. I love to play with toys. I need to have toys or I will die.

Mary: DAMIAN, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!! That's all. I'm making my signs.

Damian: I have to work. But I will make my own signs too for my house.