Governmental Flow Chart

Man Vs. Mary

My Neighbor and Sister-in-Law posted this on her blog. It concerned my crazy husband, so I thought I'd steal it and share:

A couple of days ago Mary emailed a few family members while Nicole and Noah napped. It was so fun for her to get responses instantaneously, and since then has been asking me to check the computer for replies. I told her the letters to type and she had a great time telling jokes and sending her love to her missionary grandparents, Uncle Jared, and cousins Marcus and Annie.

One conversation was particularly funny. Mary is constantly teased by her wonderful next door neighbor and uncle, Damian, and she eats up every second of it. Since Christmas he comes to our house and pretends to look for her "special" toys to steal. Usually she laughs and runs around trying to stop him from swiping them. This was their exact conversation.

Mary: hi damian. this is mary. i hid all of my toys. you will never find them. you are silly.

Damian: I snuck into your house early this morning and found two of them. I took them with me to work. They are sitting on my desk.

As to the rest of your toys...I will find them because I am going to buy a dog that can smell all toys no matter where they are hidden. His name is Rex. I will bring him home to hunt for your toys.

I love you. But I love to steal toys more. Just call me the toys monster.

Mary: damian, there are no dogs in the grocery store...none of them. you are a funny toys monster stealing my toys.

Damian: I got the dog from the dog catcher. Rex is a special dog that was in jail for stealing other toys and burying them. He is also an expert at hiding bones and doggie treats. That is why the dog catcher took him off the street. I liked him when I saw him so I went and bought him. I did not know that you were going to hide your toys from me so now I have the perfect excuse to bring him home and have him try to find your toys. He has magic eyes that let him see through boxes and stuff. He does not bite. He does stink though so I do not think that your mom will like him too much. Maybe I can sneak in the house when she is asleep.

Mary: she will never sleep. damian, you are a silly man taking my toys. dogs are not allowed to come in our house. I am going to write a dog on our door and x it (see picture above).

Damian: He will come through the fireplace or through the hole above the oven. He is very sneaky. Your mom has to sleep sometime or she will get sick. I will find a way to get your toys. I love to play with toys. I need to have toys or I will die.

Mary: DAMIAN, GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!! That's all. I'm making my signs.

Damian: I have to work. But I will make my own signs too for my house.

Damian's Theme Song

This is truly hilarious. Enjoy!

Airport Security

My parents have figured out a way to bypass airport security. When I showed Emma, she said, "Is that Grandma and Grandpa? They are SOOOO gross!" I thought, "Hey, their bodies look better than mine and Damian's. . . " But NO, this is NOT my parents. My mom did send the photo to me, though. I love having a mom with the same quirky sense of humor that I have.

Trailer Park: Idiart Style

There are two things my friends joke with me about.

One is that we Idiarts like living all together. Some people admire the idea, but some just think we're weird. I've been married for almost 14 years and I've lived WITH or next door to some of Damian's family for 10 years. Right now, Damian's sister and her family live next door and I love it. I think they're my favorite neighbors EVER. All of Damian's brothers/sister and their families (15 people total) are in our ward and our kids all go to the same school. His parents are away on a mission and we miss them, but it's only temporary.

The other thing that my friends joke about is our trailer park. We own an ugly little trailer park across from the kids school. It's an eyesore. Our intention was to buy the land and and develop it. The timing hasn't ever been right, but we still hope to do so, SOMEDAY.

This photo is sort of a combonation of the two quirks about being an Idiart. . . living all together and being trailer park owners. I couldn't find a photo that combined our last odd quirk: We own a cemetary, too. But you can imagine how to add that info into this picture! ENJOY!

Princesses Gone Bad

I NEED ONE!

UNIBOOB?

I found this adorable picture Ben drew for Kindergarten. It's a picture of our family. I love the 3 fingered hands, and the 3 toed feet. Reminds me of our chickens. I also love the twiggy looking hair on the girls and the super large eyes.


As I realized which person was ME, I figured he'd drawn me anatomically correct, but with a uniboob. That made sense, since he doesn't see me without my clothes, it would seem I just have a big padded uniboob. I asked Damian for his opinion on the matter and he said, "No, that's probably your big HEART." When I asked Ben he said, "It's your TUMMY!" Apparently, I'm the only chubby one in the family. Dang it. I preferred the UNIBOOB!

Cousin gone Crazy

I have a really funny, cute cousin that writes a hilareous, honest blog. This was one of her entries last week. It made me laugh so hard. I used to do the same thing.



Exactly.



So here is her post for your enjoyment. She has two little ones, the youngest being a spirited little boy named MAX.

"I have found that if I leave the windows open I am more patient.

I don't want my neighbors to know the real me.

And then I forget that the windows are open.

And the whole neighborhood gets to know me a little better.

Oops...

But thanks Annie next door for coming over and rescuing the kids from me.

Sorry that Max cried his eyes out when you brought him home.

I think tomorrow we will leave all the doors open too..."

If you'd like to go check out her blog, click HERE. You won't be diappointed.

Compliment? Maybe?

I've been studying and taking classes to renew my CPR/AED/Lifeguarding/WSI (Water Safety Instructor) Certification to run the lake at Girl's Camp. I had all this certification as a High School Student. Lifeguarding and teaching swim lessons paid for my BYU education. I've finished all my courses and I'm all CERTIFIED. I enjoy being in the water and the book learning just fine, but the best part about training to teach swimming again is being around the kids. A 3 year old boy paid me a compliment last week.

At least, I think it was a compliment?

Our conversation went like this:

"Miss Sarah, you look just like a pretty lady I know."

"Really Henry? That's so nice, thank you! Who is it?"

"It's Alice. She's my mom's mom."

"Wait, are you saying I look like your Grandma?"

"I think Alice is my Great-Great Grandma, actually!"

Date Night Shenanigans

As you know, Damian and I ALWAYS go on a date on Friday night. Lately, the kids have experienced a babysitting team like no other.



Our regular babysitter has been VERY busy and then had her appendix removed, so we tried a new gal. She brought her best friend/boyfriend (although he agreed to go home after the kids went to bed!)

These photos document what happened the first time they babysat. The kids appear to be doing typical kid things, and taking photos of their shenanigans.

Wait, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY DOING NOW? Apparently, it is HILAREOUS to dress the babysitter boy in "Pretty, Pretty Princess" Game Jewelry.

And Mom's clothes.

I will have say, that 2 for 1 babysitter combo DID gather the kids and read scriptures with them at bedtime. They then prayed with them before tucking them in. I was impressed and asked them to come again this week. I gave them money and they took the kids out to Ice Cream. I forgot to leave the camera "laying around" for them to document that adventure, but I heard Benjamin painted his face with his double scoop!

Ben's Beard/Booty Video

This is Ben, my youngest son. He'll be 5 next month. He's the most crazy/weird creative of the Idiart Kids. I can already see him being awarded "Class Clown" in my mind's eye, every year. If you have a minute to watch this video I think you'll understand why.

Always Check Your Kid's Homework!

Dear Mrs. Jones,

I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

Sincerely,

Mrs. Smith

You know you live in Oregon . . .

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you probably live in Oregon .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you probably live in Oregon.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number, you probably live in Oregon.

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you probably live in Oregon.

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' and back again in the same day, you probably live in Oregon.

If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both doors unlocked, you probably live in Oregon.

If you design your kid's waterproof Halloween costume to fit over a 8 layers of clothes, you probably live in Oregon ..

Funniest Joke I've Ever Heard!

At our Ward (congregation) Campout last summer, my 7 year-old niece got up in front of the campfire and told some jokes. This was one she told and I laughed my head off. Hopefully you haven't heard it. But if so, picture Miss Bosom BFF telling the joke with her lisp and you'll love it again! I'm not sure if it REALLY is the funniest joke EVER, but her delivery made it PRICELESS! Tomorrow is her 8th Birthday and I want her to know I love her so much!

An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. One day, they were eating lunch together.

The Irishman said, 'Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building.'

The Mexican opened his lunch box and Exclaimed,' Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too.'

The Blonde Guy opened his lunch and said, ' Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too.'

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The Blonde Guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, 'If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!'

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, 'I could have give n him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much.'

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said, 'Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch.'

When Mom's Away . . .

The Kids Will Play

(With the Camera!!)

I found these cute pictures on my memory card the other day. I've heard of kids doing this little number, but mine haven't tried it. Mostly because they've been threatened with a spank if they touch my camera. These were too cute though and I've waived the punishment. I'm sure they think I never found out what they'd been up to . . . (they don't think I'm very smart, let's face it!)

Apparently, posing with half an apple in your mouth is really hilarous and/or adorable?!

This shot would normally earn an extra spank, since the kids took my camera OUTSIDE!! Again, what I don't bring up, I'm sure they won't either!

Even more funny than the apples was this lovely shot of Benny's bum. This made me laugh. I could just hear Ben, "Take a picture of my Bum! Take a picture of my Bum!" It looks like he's even shaking it a little. Brother.

Miss Elise and BOYS

My niece Elise and I have had a run in before. She looks really beautiful, but she is a spitfire, I tell you! Read HERE to see who won.

Recently, she and I had a few words about another topic.

BOYS.

I told her she is too young to kiss with her tounge. Especially her cousins. She was not amused and said, "Gabba, Bla, Bla, OOOG!" (You're NOT MY MOMMY!! I don't haffa listen to you!)

Well, I just want to warn her parents. She is gonna be a handful. Watch out!